More Wizards Faffing About

There's been a few good posts recently about wizards who run the world. Wizards as your classic setting-spanning ultra-antagonist. Great stuff!

Thing is, when I think "wizard" I immediately envision the bumbling, star-robed greybeards of screen and page, the Rincewinds and Sword-in-the-Stone-Merlins of the world. The idea here is to do a kind of overpowered fool who'd feel at home in Ankh-Morpork or a Monty Python skit. It's a grab-all-the-dice kinda deal which'll help you generate such splendid wizards as: 

 

Jiffy the Terrific, who specialises in "rube goldberg-omancy", looks perpetually sodden, and is an avid jogger and calisthenician. How terrifying would it be if this guy ran the world?

 

 

Image by Dall-E 2

d4/d6 Names

11 Aubergine 

12 Babbings

13 Cheeseman

14 Dorry

15 Entwistle

16 Fizbin

 

21 Glumpy

22 Hester

23 Inebriatrix

24 Jiffy

25 Kyle

26 Laroon

 

31 Murleen

32 Norbert

33 Oodles

34 Pepperpot

35 Quimby

36 Rhubarb

 

41 Squeegee

42 Tootsie

43 Umlaut

44 Whizzo

45 Yahoo

46 Ziggy

 

d8 Epithets 

1 the Magnificent

2 the Terrific

3 the Extraordinary

4 the Marvellous

5 the Wonderful

6 the Tremendous

7 the Fabulous

8 the Really Quite Good

 

d10 Looks

1 perpetually sodden

2 bushy unibrow, otherwise hairless

3 pint-sized and choleric

4 extremely long and dainty fingers

5 glistening as if oiled

6 frumpy, rumpled, and gaunt

7 roly-poly

8 faintly purple

9 graceful and breezy

10 ankle-length hair, beard, and/or moustaches

 

d12 Specialties/Schools (add "-omancy" to the end for best results)

1 lards, greases, oils, tars, petroleum, wax

2 fungi, mosses, lichens, algaes, fertilisers, shrubberies

3 frogs, toads, turning people into frogs, turning people into toads, etc

4 gears, flywheels, bands, springs, rube goldberg stuff

5 herbs, hydroponics, smoke, vapour, condensates, distillates, extracts

6 planets, moons, stars, constellations, astrology, weather, solar power

7 horses, donkeys, mules, centaurs, knights, polo

8 promises, oaths, truth, fiction, mythology, sincerity, lies

9 yarn, thread, knitting, weaving, fabrics, clothing, fashion

10 economics, currency, taxes, investing, startups

11 horns, fangs, teeth, mouths, gums, dentistry

12 hairdos, shampoo, styling, baldness, beards, body hair

 

d20 Quirks, Twists, and Backgrounds

1 obsessed with documentation and cataloguing, keeps everything in a rolodex

2 hobbyist watermelon gardener

3 disgustingly wealthy socialite, hosting an interdimensional party that's been going on for centuries

4 sessional instructor at a wizard's college, non-tenure track

5 ancient clockwork cyborg AI with rusted joints and bad sectors

6 walks on hands exclusively

7 really just wants someone to try their experimental meat pies

8 submissive and usually-ignored court wizard to a petty king

9 avid jogger and calisthenician

10 doting grandparent, spoiling their progeny at every possible opportunity

11 not one but several wizards who also happen to play in a band (their music is terrible)

12 surrounded by inept minions who constantly foil plans

13 recent divorcee entering midlife crisis, on the hunt for new lovers

14 midway through constructing a grand architectural folly, likely involving dolphins

15 ageing backwards, currently an awkward 1000-year old teenager

16 would be powerless without their magic cup

17 big fan of jewellery of all kinds: bangles, earrings, necklaces, anklets, tiaras

18 lobbying for a kingdom-spanning rapid transit system they've been developing for years, funding is lacking

19 intermittently incorporeal due to wand misfire 

20 in adolescence: not a bully per se, but one who stood by idly while others bullied their maligned classmates … in hopes of fitting in, they tried often to ingratiate themselves with their nastier peers, and subsequently to ignore those friends who were less favoured … at the time they'd rationalise it, saying, oh we grew apart, we had a hard time connecting, we had little in common anymore … but really, they saw their unpopular friends as burdens, obstacles preventing them from reaching true excellence … now they are wracked with shame at their selfishness, and frustration at their inability to make amends, to reach out to these long-dead friends and apologise.